The self-hatred that binds you, blinds you, grinds you, keeps you down
I subscribe to an email list written by Mark Manson, author of, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck. He sends a couple of sentences to think about. One of his most recent messages was titled, "Do you like yourself?' That sat me back on my heels and made me think, and I've been coming back to it for a while now. One of the prompts was, "You're going to be in a relationship with yourself for your entire life. So you should probably learn how to make it a good one." Mark then goes on to ask if you like spending time with yourself and is there a decision that could improve that relationship. For a very long time I didn't like myself at all. People around me mostly liked me as did my family but I tried to silence the internal monologue by self-medicating in a number of unhelpful ways including by obsessively controlling my exercise and diet. Even though I've done the work to help me manage a few mental health problems, Mark's email and the associated reflection has helped me admit that I'm good at sabotaging my own happiness. That's a reflection of how much I do or don't like myself at the time. It's hard because I like doing things to make others happy so why do I either not do this for myself or feel so bad when I do? I guess part of my ongoing work to reclaim my life is going to be learning to like myself again. Not just on the surface and in public, but deep down. Step one is admitting the issue and it's out there now. I'm not asking for help and if I wasn't in a relatively good place then I wouldn't have even written this.
Weddings Parties Anything - Rain In My Heart - https://youtu.be/5jx3c5yk744
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