On 11 March 2025 I started seeing a new psychologist because, well, I needed help. I'm still working with her now (September) and she's making a huge difference to my mental health. Today I had a bit of a blip and as luck would have it, I was booked in for an appointment. My short term memory is pretty average so I took some notes.
One of things my psych encouraged me to do when my inner voice is being harsh, negative and unhelpful is to imagine the most compassionate person I know talking to me. It's an interesting exercise. I've got a few people who fit that description in my mind so I'll cycle through some of y'all.
I'd like to thank everyone who sends me messages or even just reacts with a smile or a thumbs up. I'm living a bit of a hermit lifestyle just now and gentle reminders that I don't suck help a lot.
I'll get through this. I have to.
Since I started with the psych, she encouraged me to do a very simple task in my journal. Write down something I'm grateful for. I really, really, really want to be unstuck (I'm not broken, just stuck) and I figured if this would help then I'd do it along with the journal, the exercises, the meditation, the walking, and trying to be sociable.
Here's a list of what I've been grateful for since March.
- somewhere permanent to live
- people that smiled at me
- that both my kids keep in contact with me
- for being invited to dinner
- that I have options even when I don't think I do
- for my new bike
- for my favourite bushland walking area
- for wonderful old hi-fi technology
- new shoes
- my good friends Karen and Jeff
- that Sooky is home from surgery
- for peaceful moments in nature
- for the love I get from Suzy and Toddo
- for good company from Michelle
- for daylight savings
- for podcasts
- for my own bed
- for a job offer
- for rain
- for good friends
- my Alabama family; Maggie and Rita
- music on physical media
- that my mate Chris is back at work
- for medication
- for the good and bad the Army gave me
- for my Northside Velo cycling crew
- for late season sunshine
- for a great psych
- for the joy that music gives me
- for sunsets
- for my mate Davey's friendship
- that my GWS Giants won
- my mate DUG
- for noise cancelling headphones
- for not being seriously injured knocking myself out
- for sunshine on a cool day
- being outside
- Big Daddy K
- a decent public hospital system
- that my kids still love me
- sunny autumn evenings
- for my mates on ANZAC Day
- for relative peace of mind today
- for first world healthcare
- for my mate Todd and that he's OK
- for my mates looking out for me on the bike today
- moments of sanity and calm
- 20 minutes of music on the tram
- for being recognised at work
- a smooth journey to NZ
- celebrating Mother's Day with my Mum and brother
- sleeping in
- Bill trusting me with the car
- getting lost in Wellington
- my nephew and niece
- dinner with NZ whanau
- sun at lunchtime
- public transport
- my friend Sam
- that Zoe and Zac got engaged
- panadol
- long talks with my Dad
- recovering from feeling unwell for two weeks
- polar fleece jackets
- Sutto's long term support and friendship
- quiet moments in the bush
- my relationship with my son
- my back feeling good
- all the work I do on my blog
- Tim, Tim, Mal, Ken, Jono
- for a funny story Alison told me
- hard rock music
- my collection of beanies
- a small break in the weather
- my Dad being an amazing cheer squad
- amusing messages from Angus
- my manager, Toni
- quiet times driving in the sunshine
- being able to ride in shorts, in June!
- My Northside Velo brothers
- for Toddo calling me out on being a hermit
- cool, clear evenings
- riding on a cool day
- my fabulous sister in law
- this journal
- finding the right path home, finally
- heating
- Jesus
- I was kind to myself for once
- my new raincoat
- for Todd and Mick
- flexible work
- for sitting with emotional discomfort
- for my good friend Julie
- friends and family
- for pizza at work
- a long chat with my Mum
- for admitting that I have a problem
- for the park in the centre of town
- for seeing rock wallabies
- that I'm still here
- for my friend Jasmina for cheering me up
- for cuddles and love from Fitz and Gertie
- that my very unhelpful thoughts have gone
- that Zoe is happy
- not to have pain in my head
- for small steps
- for Jess for checking in on me
- for my work being on my side
- for Todd and Suzy always being there for me
- for meditation
- for following the path
- for my brother for checking up on me
- for finally getting a copy of "Get In The Van" by Henry Rollins
- for a different walk route
- for Sarah who made me laugh
- for 30 minutes of sunshine at lunchtime
- that I managed to advocate a bit for myself
- that my exercises are slowly helping
- for my mate George and his unwavering care
- that the ringing in my ears has stopped
- again, to still be here
- for recovery, even if it is slow and bumpy
- for my niece who makes me smile
- my colleagues Eva and Renee who keep an eye on me
- for sticking in there even when I didn't want to go on
- for funny cat pics from Zoe
- that I managed to get outside
- for the Veteran Coffee Catch up crew who make me feel human again
- for meditation helping to dig me out of a hole
- for a catchup with my mate Dave
- that my Aunt from Scotland will visit Mum in NZ for the first time ever
- for the chance to help others through my work
- for my own comfortable space to rehab and recover in
- that I was called on to help in a family crisis
- that I was kind to myself and ordered some music I really wanted
I’m always here whenever you need to talk. Love, Mum
ReplyDeleteI love it that the comment from your mum is anonymous!
ReplyDeleteI love that you’re anonymous too lol.
DeleteI love that you can find some good in all that’s going on in your space, and that you know many,, many, many of us love and appreciate you!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your list of moments, things and people that you're grateful for. It also helped me reset. Thanks Rob
ReplyDelete