Hi everyone,
This episode has two parts. The part about music and random stuff is first. Part two, which was written first, is about my mental health and the last few weeks. I understand that some of you won't want to read part two for any number of reasons. That's ok; it's something that flowed once I started writing and maybe the feeling of catharsis is a good thing.
Part 1
Since I last wrote I've been to Melbourne for a couple of days. I saw Green Day with Dave Dubya, went to lunch and a bookshop with my Dad, caught up with Angus and Em, visited a collectables shop, rode the trams, and went to some record shops. I was busy, very busy, and at the time I needed to be.
You can read any number of reviews about the Green Day concert but to me it was exactly as I thought it should have been. 60,000 people having a wonderful time singing, dancing and jumping along to a great band. I think the fact that the band themselves were clearly having a ball really added to the experience. For my money, AFI were the wrong band for the support slot. They are NOT a bad band but all that angsty posing really didn't fit with the energy of the local support band, Private Function, or the pop-punk of Green Day.
I like visiting Melbourne but it's too big for me to be there for a long time. Since about 2015, I've always visited St Paul's Cathedral (opposite Flinders Street Station) whenever I'm in town. I like to sit on a pew for about 15 minutes and think. It's almost meditation, sometimes it's prayer, sometimes reflection. I always feel at peace there. I like riding the trams as well. Since my trip to the USA I've become more comfortable with the fact that I don't know quite where I'm going and I may get ever so slightly lost. The chance discoveries of cool coffee shops, the oases of urban parks, and the simple act of wandering around a suburb is usually good fun. People watching can be a hoot as well.
I did manage to get a couple of albums that had either been hard to find online or too expensive. I wrote a while ago about Darkthrone's latest long player, It Beckons Us All, and it was the album I was most pleased to find. Thank you Heartland Records. Darkthrone are one of the seminal Scandinavian Dark Metal bands but this one is quite different. Imagine the heaviest metal mixed in with ambient mood music, prog rock and maybe a Gregorian chant and you might get an idea of how it sounds.
For the first time ever I bought a CD I already own. Curses! As a result, I have embarked on a quest to catalogue all that I have. I estimate there's about 1100 CDs. Then there's all the LPs and cassettes. Fortunately the Discogs app allows you to scan barcodes using the camera on your phone. I don't like to do things in half measures so as well as cataloguing them I am listening to every album in its entirety. This could take a while.
A while ago I had a great stereo receiver and turntable. They'd belonged to my parents who I assume bought them when we lived in Singapore in the early to mid 1970s. The receiver was a big, heavy, glorious Sansui 771 and the turntable was a lovely Akai AP-005 fully automatic model. Sadly, I gave them away at a time when I gave away a lot of stuff thinking that I was doing a good thing. In fairness, a lot of the stuff did need to go but I can see now that I went a bit over the top and wasn't thinking right. I've had a groovy, modern, Audio Technica turntable for a few years now but for a while I've really wanted to replace it with something old school. Well, after saving up for quite a long time, I finally took action and thanks to a referral from my great mate Steve, I am now the proud owner of a mid-1980s Dual 500 player. After listening to a few vintage turntables that Steve's mate had up for sale I brought the Dual home. It sounds just wonderful. Woo hoo!!
Oh, and while I am no poet, I've decided that instead of hiding that part of my life in a notebook and the Notes app on my phone, that I'll post some stuff in the blog. The first one I've posted is available
here right now.
I've been doing more and more reading over the last few months. I tend to stick to non-fiction or relatively easy to read fiction. Non-fiction is a winner because I don't have to remember a complicated plot line and therefore end up getting frustrated when I don't remember half the characters or essential parts of the plot. When it comes to fiction, I've been reading some Australian detective stuff which has been excellent. I'm able to picture the characters and places so I think the author must be doing something right! The other thing I realised is that I was avoiding reading physical paper books because my eyesight was a bit off. I now have groovy new reading glasses.
The other thing I have been avoiding a bit has been cycling. You wouldn't realise it immediately but I know I have been. The reason is my back. For ages I've needed to do a LOT of stretching and core work to keep it relatively healthy. My new bike has been a complete revelation in this respect. I can ride for a few hours, hop off and not be stiff and sore. I realised that my commuting bike also has me crouched over a bit too much so I'll be getting rid of it and sticking with the new one only. This weekend I've had two solid rides. My back feels great and my general outlook is much improved as a direct result. Yes, I still need to keep some core work going but hopefully not quite so much.
Finally, after a VERY long wait, the 30th anniversary version of Roxette's album, Crash! Boom! Bang!, has arrived. I ordered it from what I thought was an Australian seller but it turned out to be a front for a UK based mob. I waited over a month and I was starting to think that I'd blown my dough! All of the demo versions are the winner here. Per Gessle is a great writer of pop/rock songs who loves classic guitars. Perhaps this is one for the serious fans only but I'll be playing it over and over!
Finally, I may have mentioned that I have a support slot coming up at a gig towards the end of May. So I'm busy choosing songs to play at that. Make sure you follow
George's FB page for details of his world tour of Australia. He'll be appearing here, there and everywhere. Not to mention that he has new CDs on the way and some groovy tour merch. Please support him if you can.
Sorry that this bit was long; but you get value for money here at the World Wide Woozle.
Part 2
When I started writing, the truth was that I wasn't quite sure what to write about. This just poured out so it may be a bit of a stream of consciousness.
Many of you will be aware that I had a rather unpleasant mental health episode a few weeks ago. It came out of the blue and was the worst incident I've ever had. Of course, with hindsight, I can see the warning signs. Fortunately I had a support plan in my head and amazing people that looked after me until I was OK to be in charge of myself again. Now I'm back on medication for the first time in a few years and I have a new psychologist to work with. The psych says that I need to be kind to myself. That's easier said than done but I'll give it a red hot go.
No-one ever knows what to say in situations like this, so don't worry. You don't need to say anything. I'm doing all I can to take control of my brain and I have help.
I had some anti-depressants back in 2019 and I think I finished with them towards the end of 2020. In retrospect I don't really know if they worked or not. At the time I thought that they were helping me to think clearly and stopping my brain flooding my consciousness with crazy and unhelpful ideas. This time around the effect is different so far. They make me tired, sometimes spaced out and my balance has been a little off. I get headspins. And then there's the dreams! Even when I've been really unwell or unhappy in the past I've been a great sleeper. It's my super power! I can sleep almost anywhere and at any time. Having weird and crazy dreams, not nightmares, is no fun at all and I hope it stops soon. It's too soon to know if the medication is making me feel 'better' but I guess my mood is relatively stable. I know I have to be patient but I'm not. The medication is also making me hungry and, as I'm sure you can guess, I am finding that to be a particularly difficult thing to manage. Every single night I have to fight the urge not to take them.
The psych also told me that I am really good at minimising things or making it sound as if they aren't particularly significant. What I'll do is talk with her about some very serious stuff and then end that part of the conversation with, "anyway", and move on. I have to work on this as it's probably something I've done for a very long time. Therapy is confronting.
I guess the other thing to be aware of for anyone still reading, is that sometimes I really struggle to respond to texts, messages and emails. I'm not ignoring you, and it isn't that I can't be bothered. The truth is that sometimes I just can't bring myself to type anything. I'll keep working on that too.
I think that's enough. If you want to ask me about this stuff that's ok. But don't feel that you have to.
One final thing; none of this is anyone's fault.
Keep smiling y'all,
The Woozle
"My heart was broken, my heart was broken,
Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow, sorrow..."
